THE I DON'T KNOWS

November 19, 2007

We’ve talked about our lives with Grace and Abe. It’s as if, the three of us regrets why we ever took “architecture” in the first place. Every year, we’re getting old, and it’s these insecurities that say “we should be working by now” and yet we couldn’t… we have to finish our apprenticeship which is 2 years!

I don’t know, we are nearly done in our apprenticeship, which means, after, we can now take our reviews (maybe) by the month of July next year.

But then, I always asked Grace, if what are her plans, if she believe we could take the exam for January 2009, (then it would take us 6 months to take our review before our board), so that would mean, until December!

I have some troubles... I don’t know... but somehow I feel that I would be leaving a big part of me just to pursue my “career”. Part of me wants to serve still as a district officer, and Christmas Institute is fast approaching which means there would be another nominations and votes for the new set of officers. I am torn between district, local, and review…

I don’t know

Honestly, when I was screened last year, I do have certain “doubts”, I do asked myself “am I ready for the big responsibilities” to God and to the youths? And my answer is NO, I’M NOT YET READY. BUT, still, God let me “serve” in my own little ways, in helping the district in any ways I can.

As December is fast approaching, some are saying that I/ we should continue to serve. And until now, am still asking my self. Part of me, like I’ve said says YES, I do want to serve still… but then I looked back at our church, my local church.

Punz, had a talk with me regarding leadership, and well indicated that I am getting old and maybe the right time, to lead the youths in our local church. Many times, I ran away from that position, I have so many priorities in life, like looking for a job way back, after I graduated at college. He said, that He also wants other young people to lead, and yet the problem is, parang walang handang tumayong LEADER.

LEADERSHIP CRISIS!

That’s why, I am torn, and I am troubled and confused.

I know in my heart that I do want to serve... but then… I also need to look on my life too. Lord, please help me…

 I always said that I GIVE IT ALL TO YOU, TO SURRENDER ALL TO YOU. Even my “own plans”, “own dreams” “own desires.”

Right now O Lord, I don’t know what to do or say…

I want to serve You Lord; Please let me see the RIGHT PATH, the RIGHT WAY

I know that it is not about me, but about YOU.

Lord, help me to fulfill my greatest desire, to love You more, deeper... and to serve You.

Teach me not to have an undivided heart.

Teach me to follow Your will because it is one of the hardest ways... to OBEY and to FOLLOW.

Help me to TRUST and to FOLLOW.

That during these times of sorrows, of emptiness, of troubles, of confusions, of doubts You would be greater and above what I feel. You are greater than these Oh Lord.

I love You Lord, teach me to FOLLOW You.

Jeremiah 29:11-13

English Standard Version (ESV)

¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare^[a] and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. ¹² Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. ¹³ You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.

Jeremiah 31:3

English Standard Version (ESV)

 ³ the LORD appeared to him^[a] from far away.
I have loved you with an everlasting love;
   therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you.

Jeremiah 33:3

English Standard Version (ESV)

³ Call to me and I will answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known.

Father, teach me Oh Lord

Let me hear You

Let me learn From You…