"... as for me, I will meditate on your precepts." (Psalm 119:78)
(krŏn'ĭ-kəl) n. An extended account in prose or verse of historical events, sometimes including legendary material, presented in chronological order and without authorial interpretation or comment. A detailed narrative record or report.
I search for You God of strength
I bow to You in my brokenness
And no other King could have so humbly come
To save my soul and heal my heart
I have nothing more than all You offer me
There is nothing else that’s of worth to me
And I love You Lord
You rescued me
You are all that I want
You’re all that I need
I pray to You God of peace
I rest in You my cares released
I have nothing more than all You offer me
There is nothing else that’s of worth to me
And I love You Lord
You rescued me
You are all that I want
You’re all that I need
In Your freedom I will live
In Your freedom I will live
I offer devotion, I offer devotion
You know me Lord,You know everything Lord
My cares, my needs…
And You graciously give me though the
blood of Jesus Christ
Hillsong Verse 1:
This is my prayer in the desert
And all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is the God who provides
Verse 2:
And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames
Chorus:
And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain [ Lyrics from:
http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/h/hillsong/the_desert_song.html ]
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here
Verse 3:
And this is my prayer in the battle
When triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand
Bridge:
All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship
Verse 4:
This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied again
The seed I've received I will sow
SAVIOUR KING
Hillsong
And now the weak say I
have strength By the spirit of power that raised Christ from
the dead And now the poor stand and confess That my portion is Him and I'm more than blessed
Let now our hearts burn with a flame A fire consuming all for your Son's holy name And with the heavens we declare You are our king
We love you Lord, we worship you You are our God, you alone are good
You asked your Son to carry this The heavy cross our weight of sin
I love you Lord, I worship you Hope which was lost, now stands renewed I give my life to honor this The love of Christ, the savior king
Let now your church shine as the bride That you soar in your heart as you offered up
your life Let now the lost be welcomed home By the saved and redeemed those adopted as your
own
I give my life to honor this The love of Christ, the savior king
I am troubled Lord. I hurted someone who showed extra care to me. I hurt my friend. And the pain I have inflicted keeps on hanging in my head and my heart. That very moment, I knew that I will hurt him inside because my heart already decided- to wait and that time wasn’t right time…
But if I haven’t hold on to You dear Lord,I might end up risking my heartand might failed because I am too impatient. That little voice, telling me to “try it out” since he would only “court”. But then I might give him a deep hurt and so I chose to just cut his heart right away, cut all the hopes he has set on me, instead of prolonging, and make a deeper cut. I’ve chose the lesser cut.
Because he is my friend, I am saddened to what happened. I know our friendship will never be the same again... It is really saddening. But I just couldn’t try, hoping that my heart might change. If that happens, I may be happy with him, but I would end up bitter inside, knowing that I have thrown my principles, my beliefs, and my standards, for the sake self-love.
Is my heart right Lord? I have confusions, doubts. But one thing I know is for sure- JESUS IS ALL THAT I NEED. When is the right time? Who is the right guy? I don’t know who, I don’t know when. But all I know, this is not the right time, nor the right one.
May God the author of love teach me time and time again to really wait patiently until His own Time would be revealed.
They say that love is something you feel strangely, your heart beats fast, you’re always happy when you see him/her and even talk to him/her, you’ve got jitters in your stomach, your palms all so sweaty, and so on and so forth…
Because of this definition of love that I followed once, my heart was broken…
Someone made me laugh and smile, someone made me feel I’m the most beautiful girl he has set his eyes on, someone made me feel I am loved and cared.
And because I thought love is just something you ought to feel special to someone who shows care, I thought I was loving that person. When we only “feel” we will surely “fall”
It eventually took years before I could finally really moved on, and during those silent years, I came to comprehend what God wants in my life... I came to understand and know that my “heart” is very precious and should not just give it to someone whom you thought you loved, because you feel something for him…
God’s definition on love is way different from the world. God not only defined it, He showed it- ON THE CROSS. LOVE IS VERY COSTLY.
Because of LOVE I AM SAVED.
Now, if love is so precious, so costly, so pure and true, then the love that the world define is nothing. There is no TRUE LOVE APART FROM GOD.
I’ve also learned that love cannot be hurried, love grows in its definite time, and the foundation of it is the love that is brought by God and not just by human interventions.
I wait for TRUE LOVE, I am…
I know that someone is waiting for me, whom God prepared or is preparing for me.
The truth I know, and now here comes another test. Someone is making me feel loved and cared; I know that it is not the right time to open up my heart. I remember my “standards”, but sometimes I have these compromises, saying that a girl needs companion, encourager, comforter, lover and a friend... And the longing to be loved is beginning to get me confuse, it is becoming now a temptation for my beliefs and principles.
“Father, I have failed once. And You have shown Your great mercy and compassion one m. I remember my “beliefs” on “waiting”, but sometimes Lord I get weak and my emotions set me in.
He is my friend, and I know deep in my heart that I could only love him as my friend.
I don’t want to get lose again Father, I know that I cannot be lead by mere feelings alone, that I should be guided by biblical wisdom.
Give me guidance and wisdom Father. Lead me to the path of righteousness, guard my heart Lord.
(My entry on this journal is a detailed story on what happened to me, the whole month of August. It was so long, I can’t type it down... (Hehehee... mangiras!) But, I summarized it...)
My last update was August 23, one month of no journaling! So many things happened to me. I was hospitalized a month ago. It was an on and off fever, and when it hit very high, my friends at the dorm, rushed me to the hospital. First finding was upper respiratory infection. My good friend Grace stood by me, and helped me during these times when I’m far away from home. She soon contacted my mom, and my mom immediately transported to Manila, after a little transaction to the Doctor, I was sent home to Pangasinan for my recovery... and when we were at Pangasinan, the findings on me was Dengue.
I had stomachache, high fever, vomiting... they ran different test on me, injected different drugs, drained blood, and so on and so forth... my platelets were dropping, since I cannot eat full well.
The doctor told me, that one drop of my platelet would mean blood transfusion. I guess that feared me so I tried to eat... by God’s grace, my health was soon improving... it was about 4 days, since the doctor finally said that I was ok for home medications.
My family was there, my church friends was there, my bestfriend was there... and they all prayed for my healing.
That event was the second time in my life that I was hospitalized. I remember not calling on to God, when I was really sick until my recovery. I didn’t bother to pray... I really didn’t... maybe because, what I felt was an abandonment from God. For me, He let me experienced those…
Through it all, God’s mercy is overflowing… He sent my loved ones to tell me, He loved me, and though I was thinking He left me, there was never a second that He did. Though I was thinking that He is punishing me for giving me sickness, I know He has reasons...
He let me know how much my family, my friend’s cares for me. How blessed I am for giving them to me...
When I finally had my full recovery, at church... I offered up my praise and thanksgiving to God who gave me another life…
MY HEART WILL TRUST
Hillsong
I'll walk closer now on the higher way Through the darkest night will you hold my hand Jesus guide my way
O you mourn with me and you dance with me For my heart of hearts is bound to you
Though I walk through valleys low I'll fear no evil By the waters still my soul, My heart will trust in You [x2]
O You counsel me and You comfort me When I cannot see, You light my path
My heart will trust in you
When I first heard this song, I knew that I want to sing this song to God who was so faithful and true, who was always beside me, even though I don’t dare notice. I know deep in my heart that I trust Him, that it is Sovereign Will.
“I remembered what You have done Oh Lord. Forgive me Lord, when during the times that I really need You; I failed to call upon Your Name and ask for help. But though, I failed, You know what I needed, you sent out my “friends” to show Your unfailing love for me, you use my friends to be able to feel Your love always for someone kike me.
You sent out my “family” who poured out their love for me. I appreciate the little and big things they had done for me. Thank You Father for them. Most of the times, I took for granted everything hat they are doing for me, Teach me Father to see and to give back my love for the, Thank You mostly Abba for Your unfailing love, even when I didn’t call You, You are always present.
Psalm 39:4-7
English Standard Version (ESV)
4“O LORD,make me know my end
and what is the measure of my days;
let me know how fleeting I am! 5Behold, you have made my days a few handbreadths,
andmy lifetime is as nothing before you.
Surelyall mankind stands as a mere breath! Selah
6Surely a mangoes about as a shadow!
Surely for nothing[a]they are in turmoil;
manheaps up wealth and does not know who will gather!
7“And now, O Lord, for what do I wait?
My hope is in you.
Just lately, when we are having our last review in History, before we end; our reviewer gave us a surprise exam! There were 200 questions in all, so it was a cram up, we only had 15 minutes to open our notes, I didn’t even read the whole content of my notes!
So, what’s the result? Failed! The best part? Almost all of us were failed!! All we’re laughing as if it was no big deal, but deep inside we were troubled, and sort of depressed of the result.
I blamed myself of course, for that 5 days, I didn’t do anything, instead of reading our notes, we were out there, eating at the fast food chains, go anywhere we like to visit, it’s as if we were on our vacation, we chatted and chatted along with my friends…
It was discouraging, and I am dismayed of my actions. But thank You Lord for teaching us a valuable lesson. Failing in the exam was a wake up call! I should know how manage and handle my time wisely.
The reason that I am here in Manila, the reason that my parents spend money for me, is for my review. And this is what I do! Shame on me!
I’ve learned my lesson Lord. And I do want it to repeat no more. So, I was reading and reading my notes kanina! (Bumabawi ako! Hehehee). Sad thing is, our History is over, next subject is Building Technology.
Di bale, we have again 5 days to read at the boarding house, am going to study again our history…before anything would be piles and piles of books to read and review!!
We were talking, with Grace, about what we felt this day, when we were having our exam, the tensions and everything, how much more at the real exam? I could be gone crazy if I failed the board exammmm!!! It will be our entire fault if we failed… huhuhu
It will be up to us, and to God’s mercy and will, if we really want to pass the board exam. We should study, study, study….pero not too much. All study and no play makes Joannah a dull girl...
“Lord, You are good... Faithful... Glorious... thank You for Your discipline, for opening up our eyes, to realize what is our full aim why we are here in Manila. Father, it is on me, if I really want to pass the board exam... and I do pray that we will pass this exam... by Your grace Father, and by Your will. I ask thee for wisdom, guidance and strength.
We just got here in Espana, Manila just this morning, my luggage were really heavy! (big sigh) Lord, my review is going to start. I am afraid and anxious, but there is also excitement. I don’t know what will happen, but I will give my best! and whatever are Your will Lord, help me to trust in You.
Yesterday, there was a bit of farewell, the rest of the young people didn’t know that I am gone, which I think is good, so there will be no tears of goodbye.
But still, some of them knew that I’m leaving and with a tearful eyes they said they’ll miss me. I too had some tears, knowing and believing, that somehow, I became part of their lives as their big sister, as their ate joh. God knows how much I will miss them terribly! Miss to be with them and You know Father, how much I will surely miss You serving in Your house.
Now that I am here, I would maybe an attendee of a vesper worship service in Central UMC.
I will miss my busy moments with You, to stand as a worshiper in front of the congregation, to share and teach Sunday School, to teach dance for Teatro Liturhiya, to sing as a choir member, to be ate joh as their big sister… (big sigh!)
I’ve been blessed Lord! Thank You for them! For being part of their lives- in their faith, and for teaching me always and guiding me. I will never forget You my Lord and my King.
My first written journal here was all about my discouragements, my hurts and sadness happened during Christmas Institute 2007. That event was so stressful and tiring that I found myself loss and ended in pain, emptiness and surrender. Surrendered to the big task of serving Him. I got weary, tired and hurt.
God knew that it cut me so deep and I quit, I didn’t run as officer for Conference Year 2008-2009… maybe I was full, too much for me to handle. And I needed a long time to rest, to rethink of who I am really, examine my broken heart, and let God restore my everything.
True enough- “I WILL GIVE YOU REST”, said the Lord, and those times of silence with God- He showed me wonderful things, amazing things. He let me see how beautiful it is to serve without asking, to love even without receiving in return.The joy of serving Him comes from knowing His unfailing love for me.
God healed me and I was renewed. For all those times, all these time- HE IS FAITHFUL. I have so many things- those experiences, to learn from, again and again…
“thank You Lord for Your discipline, for my growth, for my own good. You are good in every season, I change- I get cold, gloomy, sad, coward… but through it all You are leading me and guiding me, even in the midst of storms and turmoil. Your love is UNCHANGING.
Who is Joannah that You loved dearly and waited patiently? I am forever grateful Father, for You are always FAUTHFUL and TRUE.
Prepare me once again Lord, my heart to lead again, to serve again for You and Your people.
I am ashamed of whether I could help my fellow officers since I am going to Manila for my review, but Lord, help me still, to not let my review be a hindrance when it comes to serving You, even in my own little ways.
I do want to serve You Lord, it is my delight! Thank You Lord for continually teaching me Your ways.
All praise, all worship is due unto You alone.
Use me Lord, just like before…
Isaiah 55:8-9
English Standard Version (ESV)
8 For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD. 9 For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.
Many men will drink the rain And turn to thank the clouds Many men will hear You speak But they will never turn around
I will not forget You are my God, my King And with a thankful heart I bring my offering And my sacrifice is not what You can give But what I alone can give to you
A grateful heart I give, A thankful prayer I pray, A wild dance I dance before you A loud song I sing, A huge bell I ring, A life of praise I live before You
Many men will pour their gold And serve a thing that shines Many men will read your words But they will never change their minds
