OUTSIDE OF MY COMFORT ZONE

JUNE 16, 2008

10:22PM

Kararating ko lang galing Manila. It was only a week and I miss terribly my life here in province. It is really a big difference in the way of living there Lord. Spiritually, I saw people who are always busy and forget how to kneel down and pray. Nakakalungkot ang buhay doon. The things that you want to do, is hard to do, you don’t belong, all because you are a Christian. It’s as if you  are “weird” when you are reading a Bible!

What I saw was really different. No church, and of you are not spiritually inclined, I think you will be pulled over. True, that life there (maybe) is beautiful, but I felt the sadness and emptiness when I was there, even though what the world was offering is tempting- beautiful career...career... career… (and maybe lovelife!)

Life is useless, all In vain, all is vanity! If you don’t know what is the purpose of living. People’s direction is to work and work to live. Maybe they are happy in their life, but spiritually- there aint no God.

The God that they know is the God who gives with many blessings. Period. They have a God when they have problems.

I know that I am different from them, but there were times that I was somehow becoming one of them. Glad that God is always there for me, the Holy Spirit who patiently teach me what to do and always reminding me, who is Joannah- once sinner and now by GRACE-SAVED!

It’s as if I was being laughed and mocked by the enemy. Before I went to manila, I had a lecture on Praise and Worship, and yet, one week passed, I can’t even swallow those words that I said!

Honestly, I’ve been weak, and I became like them, and God knows how miserable I am. I know I have sinned against the Lord.

That’s why I miss my home so much. And it saddens me to see that Joannah is only a Christian at home and at church! She can’t testify who she really is outside her comfort zone!

My testimony matters. I don’t have to tell to the entire world that I am a Christian, that I am different from the world. But even to You, I can’t even show who I really am.

Lord, how much in 5 months time? Will I survive it? Can I win the fight? Or would I be a laughing matter of the enemy?

Please help me to remind myself that it is no longer I who live but You.

That I could simply be who I am in Christ, even outside of my comfort zone. That would somehow show that I was a sinner, but now I am saved!

That I don’t need to pretend I’m cool, just be who I am… I am Yours alone, O God…

Please Father, I know, I have so many regrets, and I’ve caused you pain, Forgive me Lord.

Help me Lord to stand courageous, to stand on my Faith, on my Beliefs, on my principles…

To just be simply me, inside and out,

I don’t want to pretend,

When I tell that I am a Christian

I’m not bragging that I’m different

But I humbly speak that I am once a sinner

But now, I am saved!

When I tell that I am a Christian

I’m telling you that I once was lost

But now am found

When I tell that I am a Christian

I’m telling you that I’m a dirt

But now cleanse by the blood of Christ

When I tell that I am a Christian

It means that I don’t want my old life

I am born again!

FOREVER THANKFUL...

JUNE 07, 2008

9:00PM

 John 3:1

New International Version 1984 (NIV1984)

 ¹ How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!

I am forever humbled, grateful, and honored to used by God in the special ministry of leading the praise and worship team of our church. I am amazed on how God molded and prepared me for this. That God all along, looked at me gently way back when I first danced Him through tambourine dance when I was 15 years old, and said that  it is only the beginning of my training.

I never… never... never thought and envisioned or planned that all along God has wonderful plan, that God will use me... and wow! What a great honor! And God has been using me ever since that desire was planted in my heart.

“Lord, thank You for using me.

Yes You know all my inadequacies

Yes you know all of my fears and weaknesses

My greatest dreams and my hope

My failures and my discouragements

Thank You Father for using me still

For being a testimony to others

I know many times I have failed You

For not looking unto You

For relying in my own strength

But I thank Thee Father

For PATIENTLY TEACHING me

GUIDING me. SHOWING me

How wonderful and how magnificent

You are to be praised!

And yes Father, You are good

In every circumstances that life brings

Teach us Father to give you

Our wholehearted praise

Wherever everything seems so dark

Gloomy and lowly.

Teach us that in times

As these, you are always

Faithful to Your Word

You will never leave us now forsake us

I pray thee Lord, that as we continue to

Praise and worship You

May we find all the answers in You alone

May we find that perfect stillness of our heart

May we always find courage to speak of Your Name truthfully

And to follow You wherever I may go

To faithfully obey You

I love You so much Father

I love You Lord with all my heart, my soul, my mind

Teach me, guide me, and mold me

May Your will be done Father

Thank You for being so good to me

I am forever Yours my Saviour

AMEN.

BE STILL

MAY 19, 2008

Saturday evening was a horrifying, yet tremendous mark and display of God’s awesome and mighty power. It humbles me to know that God is the God of raging winds and thunder storms. God is the creator of these Disturbing and alarming fiery works of God’s creation- the nature.

As we look at our environment that morning, which is Sunday, it saddened my heart to see the wrecked roofing of every households, turned town trees and electric posts… our Capitol which was improved for how many months was like a “forest or a jungle”…catastrophes can only be seen. People everywhere tried to cut trees that were hanging, tried to clear the roads.

Hay, it was only in our town, how much more in the neighboring towns? It was so saddening…

But the good thing is, we are still ALIVE! During those times of rushing and fiery winds, God assured us of His promises- sheltered and protected us.

Truth is, I don’t feel like going to church that morning, pero my Grandfather was the preacher and so I have to go, para may kasama sila. It was already 10 am and yet Uncle Avellino just opened the church’s door and cleaned up the church. And dami ding naputol at nasira in the church and around it. There were only 2 old people waiting... and it was the Lord’s Day!

I remembered one text that I received that day, it says: Maulan man o maaraw, araw pa rin ito ng Diyos!

Oo nga naman! Kahit na ba bumabagyo pa o lumilindol ginawa pa rin Niya ang araw na to para sa atin. And I was ashamed, because mas inuna ko pa ang maawa sa nakikita ko sa kapaligiran kaysa pasalamatan Siya sa paggagabay at patuloy NIyang pagmamahal sa akin. Pasasalamat dahil sa isang buhay pa uli ang ibinigay at ipinagkaloob Niya ng buong-buo.

We were about 10 attendees that Sunday Service. It is quite saddening, yes, because only few remembered to give thanks to You, and they were maybe just like me, na inuna ang pag-aayos at paglilinis sa nasirang kabahayan at kapaligiran, Instead of giving first their praise and thanksgiving to our God who is always faithful, who would never leave us even the world may seem to pass.

Father, forgive me if sometimes, fear grips my heart, and forget WHO YOU ARE.

You who can calm the raging sea and the stormy night

You who created the heaven and the earth

I magnify thee Lord

And I am grateful for hiding us in the shadow of Your wings

Thank You Oh Lord, for this new life, new hope...

May we never forget You and give You thanks in all circumstances…amen

Still

Hillsong United

Hide me now
Under Your wings
Cover me
Within Your mighty hand

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with You above the storm
Father you are King over the flood
I will be still and know You are God[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/h/hillsong_united/still.html ]
Find rest my soul
In Christ alone
Know His power
In quietness and trust

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with You above the storm
Father You are king over the flood
I will be still and know You are God

“ be still and know that I am God”PSALM 46:10

“Take heart, it is i. do not be afraid.” MATTHEW 14:27

“Why are you afraid O you of little faith?” MATTHEW 8:26

“Peace! Be still!” MARK 4:39

“Where is your faith?” LUKE 8:25

Psalm 46

English Standard Version (ESV)

God Is Our Fortress

 ¹ God is our refuge and strength,
   a very present^[b] help in trouble.
² Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way,
   though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea,
³ though its waters roar and foam,
   though the mountains tremble at its swelling.
                         Selah

 ⁴ There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
   the holy habitation of the Most High.
⁵ God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved;
   God will help her when morning dawns.
⁶ The nations rage, the kingdoms totter;
   he utters his voice, the earth melts.
⁷ The LORD of hosts is with us;
   the God of Jacob is our fortress.
                         Selah

 ⁸ Come, behold the works of the LORD,
   how he has brought desolations on the earth.
⁹ He makes wars cease to the end of the earth;
   he breaks the bow and shatters the spear;
   he burns the chariots with fire.
¹⁰ “Be still, and know that I am God.
   I will be exalted among the nations,
   I will be exalted in the earth!”
¹¹ The LORD of hosts is with us;
   the God of Jacob is our fortress.
                         Selah

STRESSSSSSS

MAY 13, 2008

Para akong nabigatan at nabigla when I tried to surf some data, info’s regarding on my review, and napunta ako sa “bored reviews” of arki grads and there were certain discussions and topics. They also shared their experiences in taking the board and while they were reviewing.

Goodness! When I saw those DETAILS, parang sasabog ang utak ko, sa dami ng mga batas na kailangang basahin at intindihin! I asked myself, kung kaya ko ba o hindi, or kung matutuloy ba ung balak namin ni grace na mag-part time job while taking the review…?

Sa dami nun, I don’t even know, kung kakayanin ko ung part-time job, though there is part of me, that wants to (for experience…) but, lets’ just see…

For now, I need to prepare para hindi na ako mabigla uli…

I feel like, I’m gonna get thinner again…. Stress… stress... stresssssss!!!

Lord, I am burdensome. Please help me realize that my strength comes from You alone.

Help me Father to prepare my mind, my health, my heart for this “review”…

And Lord, may I glorify You more in everything I do

Thank You Lord…AMEN.”

Getting Nearer...

MAY 12, 2008

Lord, I’m counting my days… and I am afraid of what will happen, of what will be the happenings in my life…

I’m going to miss You Lord, the time I’ve spent at Your house, the laughter with the youths, wearies, sadness and cries, problems and struggles…

I just hope and pray Lord, that You would prepare the hearts of the next generation to lead the praise and worship team, to lead the youths, that You would somehow allow someone to ‘rise up’ and take the lead and show the compelling ways what serving means…

Right now, I should be preparing for the upcoming board review, kaya lang…gusto ko pong sulitin ang natitira kong sandali sa Inyo... (It’s as if, I’m going alone…)

I would surely miss serving You in Your house Oh Lord. I would surely miss all those special moments I’ve been through together with you… all of it... and all the people in it.

Thank You Lord for that “answered prayer”… it was and is written all over my heart, on that simple request years ago “to lead, even for just one Sunday”, and that one Sunday became as long as You pleases to use me...

And for all those days of discouragements, of doubts, of impatience, of weariness, of weakness, of proudest, of eeriness, or learning, or happiness, of enlightenment, of meekness and humbleness, of cries and pains… Lord, You were there, and You are always there…

And I’ve given You my greatest desire, my hopes and vision for the team, and You know the journeys…

Lord, Help me to continue to learn, to continue to trust and depend on You. That there will be a day, there will come a time, that Your house will tremble because of the highest praises offered by Your people. And MANY WILL WORSHIP YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE, and GIVE THANKS TO YOUR HOLY NAME, with one voice, one heart. To be sooo inlove with You. One day, Oh Lord “worshipers will rise up and declare a mighty roar of praise and worship to You Oh Most High God.”

You have given me so much- my church, my family, my closest friends… and I am forever thankful, humbled for giving me “them”. I owe it all to You.

And even though I would be far away, my life may change, Lord, I would continually seek You.

Help me Lord to look for a church that would help me in my Christian walk. And for the tests that will come, I pray thee that I will rise up in times of trials. Teach me Lord to never forget to call on to Your Name.

Lord, I am fearful, forlorn, have questions… but I know that You hold me, my tomorrow, the circumstances that will happen are already ordained by You.

I pray Father, to help me remember that “I HAVE BEEN BOUGHT WITH A PRICE...” at ang price na iyon Panginoon ay kailanman hindi mapapalitan ng ano mang pwedeng ipampalit ng mundo.

Help me Lord to love you and seek you always, to search Your Word, and trust you for always, to be happy and content no matter what happens, because You are with me…

“And behold I am with you always to the end of age.” MATTHEW 28:20

“I will never leave you nor forsake you…” HEBREWS 13:5

“Be strong and of good courage…” JOSHUA 1:6

“I have loved you with an everlasting love…” JEREMIAH 31:3

Once Two, Now One

April 28, 2008

LOVE…

Two different people

Two different worlds

But

One God who had planned  everything

Now two become one

In His perfect will

And His perfect time

I got teary eyed when ate and kuya noel gave their vows to each other. Heartfelt, genuine, and sincere vows. When Pastor Casipit, announced that two are now married, Husband and Wife, wow God is the author of LOVE!

May they  grow and grow intimate, in love with each other, serving, caring, forgiving, and above all loving You Father.

Continue to bless them, as they have taken their wonderful journey as husband and wife.

Genesis 2:24

New International Version (NIV)

 ²⁴ That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.

NYC and a Wedding

April 27, 2008

It was days of fellowship, of interaction, of listening, of being part as one of the delegates of the 

30^th National Youth Conference in San Nicolas, Pangasinan. and wow, it was so beautiful! 

Different youths from different places, have attended the National activity. This was my first time to attend one. I was also one of the many favored youths who have witnessed and be part of the ratification of the UMYFP Constitution! Those young leaders really know our Consti (samantalang kami...) were just, sitting, listening, and observing! Hahaha... at least we do the voting! Hahaha... it was a once event, the next ratification would be after 10 long years! Ang galing naman! Before I would be graduating as a UMYFP, napasama pa ako!

And the truth that you were with the youths that came from Apari hanggang Julo! Different languages, dialects, different cultures, different attitudes, different faces, but the best part was, to be one for one sole purpose.

And I pray thee that God will continue to use the UMYFP organization for the further advancement of His Kingdom, to use us, the youths for His ministry, in serving only Him.

CHRIST ABOVE ALL!

Tomorrow is also my sister’s wedding! Ang galing at ang ganda naman ng naging plan ni God! Tomorrow, they will become one.

I didn’t have enough sleep, galing NYC. Tomorrow we will be arranging the decorations for the wedding at the church, and am still looking for quotes that would be shared tomorrow. Maybe this one would suffice.

From the book, Boy Meets Girl by Joshua Harris

“A wedding- a beginning. When you think you’re inlove right now, just wait... for it gets even better. There is so much ahead of you, so much to learn, each day observing just how little you know, but happy because you are learning together. One thing is certain, marriage is a very good thing, a God’s plan for two became one.”

Or from Mike Mason’s book The Mystery of Marriage

“Real love is always fated. It has been arranged before time. It is the mist meticulously prepared of coincidences, and fate, of course, is simply a secular term for the will of God, of coincidences for His grace.”

Your love story was arranged by God! All the coincidence that made it possible were interventions of His grace. Your story was His story.

“Perhaps, after all, romance did not come into one’s life with pomp and blare, like a gay knight riding down; perhaps it crept to one’s side like an old friend through quiet ways; perhaps it revealed itself in seeming prose, until some sudden shaft of illumination flung athwart its pages betrayed the rhythm and the music; perhaps . . . perhaps . . . love unfolded naturally out of a beautiful friendship, as a golden-hearted rose slipping from its green sheath.” 

                                   ― L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Avonlea

PRAISE IN DANCE

April 09, 2008

Our dance for the Lord ended and it was beautiful, knowing and taking part in giving praise, glory and honor to the Lord.

The SMUMC liturgical dancers were invited to dance at the WSCS 29^TH BIENNIAL NATIONAL ASSEMBLY at President’s Hotel, Lingayen, Pangasinan.

We were deeply honored for God chose us to dance in front of Him, with the presence of different servants in Annual Conferences.

Tonight was also the last moment; we shared the dance with Mae. I felt a bit sad, knowing that little by little, the youths are leaving. But I believe and know that wherever they may go, God has wonderful plans.

“Lord guide and keep us always. Thank You for every beautiful people who became a part of my life. thank You Lord that I have the chance to know them, laugh with tem, pray for them, share my life with them... You hold our future in Your loving hands Lord, and You know what’s best for each and one of us. may we always lift our eyes on You, our hope and trust in Only You. Thank You Father. I love them  all. Amen”