waiting still...

OCTOBER 17, 2008

11:10 PM

I am troubled Lord. I hurted someone who showed extra care to me. I hurt my friend. And the pain I have inflicted keeps on hanging in my head and my heart. That very moment, I knew that I will hurt him inside because my heart already decided- to wait and that time wasn’t right time…

But if I haven’t hold on to You dear Lord,  I might end up risking my heart  and might failed because I am too impatient. That little voice, telling me to “try it out” since he would only “court”. But then I might give him a deep hurt and so I chose to just cut his heart right away, cut all the hopes he has set on me, instead of prolonging, and make a deeper cut. I’ve chose the lesser cut.

Because he is my friend, I am saddened to what happened. I know our friendship will never be the same again... It is really saddening. But I just couldn’t try, hoping that my heart might change. If that happens, I may be happy with him, but I would end up bitter inside, knowing that I have thrown my principles, my beliefs, and my standards, for the sake self-love.

Is my heart right Lord? I have confusions, doubts. But one thing I know is for sure- JESUS IS ALL THAT I NEED. When is the right time? Who is the right guy? I don’t know who, I don’t know when. But all I know, this is not the right time, nor the right one.

May God the author of love teach me time and time again to really wait patiently until His own Time would be revealed.

My heart will trust in You Lord always.