The Anxious Heart

JULY 27, 2009

4:30 PM

Lord I need to talk to You… I again have this fear, of questions in my head, the “what ifs”…

Tomorrow would be the result… I am afraid of the result…it’s as if I don’t want it to come, but it will come.. I am afraid of another failure.. but then I am hoping that I will see good results…

I don’t know what will happen.. I want to know, but of course I will know… how would I know if I pass if I would not look Lord, right?

But , I know... I have to face it…

Maybe, I just don’t wanna feel the brokenness of my heart when I tried the first time. On how my family was sadden too but encouraged me still to try again..

This time Lord.. I want them to be proud of me… I know they are.. but it’s the least I could offer… na Makita nila sa loob ng 8 taon, may BUNGA na.. though the mere fact alone is “I’m aiming for an ID that says I am a professional Architect”. Funny. An id for 8 years! But it’s as if, that id’s value is so high…

I know in my heart that I am satisfied with You… that You are my joy, my hope, my refuge…

And this simple id will not suffice of the joy I have received from You…

But still Lord, it’s like I‘ve told You, that I could offer this to my family.. for all their sacrifices for me…

I did my best at ALE, and tomorrow will be the result…

Lord, I am afraid of another failure.. yet I am hoping for a better result Lord..

Mian, just like me, was a second taker, and now her time has come, she passed her Nursing board Exam… will it be my turn too Lord? Will You give me the joy that I could give back to my family? I am holding to You Lord…

I know that whatever Your plans are, whatever it might be.. good or not… I know You’re doing it because You love me…

My future has already been decided… what it will be Lord, I will trust..

In triumph or in failure… I will remember Your goodness, Your faithfulness, Your love…

In joy or in tears Father.. I will  give thanks to You…

Prepare me Lord..

Prepare my family..

Psalm 27:14

English Standard Version (ESV)

¹⁴ Wait for the LORD;     be strong, and let your heart take courage;     wait for the LORD!

I will wait on You Lord…

What is my vision of God’s purpose for me?

Whatever it may be, His purpose for me is to depend on Him, and on His power NOW. If I can stay calm, faithful, and unconfused while I the middle of the turmoil of life, the goal of the purpose of God is being accomplished. IT IS THE PROCESS NOT THE OUTCOME THAT IS GLORIFYING TO GOD.
-       Oswald Chambers (My Utmost for His Highest)