OUTSIDE OF MY COMFORT ZONE

JUNE 16, 2008

10:22PM

Kararating ko lang galing Manila. It was only a week and I miss terribly my life here in province. It is really a big difference in the way of living there Lord. Spiritually, I saw people who are always busy and forget how to kneel down and pray. Nakakalungkot ang buhay doon. The things that you want to do, is hard to do, you don’t belong, all because you are a Christian. It’s as if you  are “weird” when you are reading a Bible!

What I saw was really different. No church, and of you are not spiritually inclined, I think you will be pulled over. True, that life there (maybe) is beautiful, but I felt the sadness and emptiness when I was there, even though what the world was offering is tempting- beautiful career...career... career… (and maybe lovelife!)

Life is useless, all In vain, all is vanity! If you don’t know what is the purpose of living. People’s direction is to work and work to live. Maybe they are happy in their life, but spiritually- there aint no God.

The God that they know is the God who gives with many blessings. Period. They have a God when they have problems.

I know that I am different from them, but there were times that I was somehow becoming one of them. Glad that God is always there for me, the Holy Spirit who patiently teach me what to do and always reminding me, who is Joannah- once sinner and now by GRACE-SAVED!

It’s as if I was being laughed and mocked by the enemy. Before I went to manila, I had a lecture on Praise and Worship, and yet, one week passed, I can’t even swallow those words that I said!

Honestly, I’ve been weak, and I became like them, and God knows how miserable I am. I know I have sinned against the Lord.

That’s why I miss my home so much. And it saddens me to see that Joannah is only a Christian at home and at church! She can’t testify who she really is outside her comfort zone!

My testimony matters. I don’t have to tell to the entire world that I am a Christian, that I am different from the world. But even to You, I can’t even show who I really am.

Lord, how much in 5 months time? Will I survive it? Can I win the fight? Or would I be a laughing matter of the enemy?

Please help me to remind myself that it is no longer I who live but You.

That I could simply be who I am in Christ, even outside of my comfort zone. That would somehow show that I was a sinner, but now I am saved!

That I don’t need to pretend I’m cool, just be who I am… I am Yours alone, O God…

Please Father, I know, I have so many regrets, and I’ve caused you pain, Forgive me Lord.

Help me Lord to stand courageous, to stand on my Faith, on my Beliefs, on my principles…

To just be simply me, inside and out,

I don’t want to pretend,

When I tell that I am a Christian

I’m not bragging that I’m different

But I humbly speak that I am once a sinner

But now, I am saved!

When I tell that I am a Christian

I’m telling you that I once was lost

But now am found

When I tell that I am a Christian

I’m telling you that I’m a dirt

But now cleanse by the blood of Christ

When I tell that I am a Christian

It means that I don’t want my old life

I am born again!