November 01, 2010
9:13pm
Just
had a thought, a sudden thought while we were walking on the pavement of a
runway in our local airport after we visited the tomb of my aunt’s son… a
thought that 2 days from now… I am… turning..26!!!
It’s
as if I was saying to myself, ‘wow, you’re turning at the age of maturity, at
the age where you should have a stable job, should have stable financial status, career woman contented, should have already by now have beloved, should have been working abroad, helping my family, fulfilling
some of my own dreams…
Thoughts
such as those.. and yes, any one of those are all “should haves”.. still have
none.
· - Well,
I have my family who is always by my side… who supports and helps me.. (but for how long would I rely on them?)
· - Well,
I have a job as a faculty member, a dream desire that was fulfilled (but is never content with the salary)
· - Well,
I had on my mind that I “should be” working abroad at the age of 26 (and if God so wills, I might, I may,
hopefully). at the age of 24, I became an Architect, again a dream-desire
that was fulfilled by the grace of God. Had my first (and hopefully not the
last) project (but never satisfied on the outcome of the last stage), the rest
of the projects, I will not call my “own”.
· - Well,
at the age of 22, started believing in True Love Waits, been waiting patiently
for the right-God-given-man, while learning for all of the mistakes.. (4 years
had passed, I am still on the waiting process)
As
I ponder about these things.. these thoughts that are lingering and howling on
the back of my mind… I ask myself: AM I COMPLAINING? AM I BITTER? AM I NOT
CONTENT? AM I BEING IMPATIENT?
-
Complaining?
o
I
have nothing to complain for.. I have wonderful gifts.. the gifts of family, of
friends, of time…
o
I
should be thankful…
1 Thessalonians 5:18
18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in
Christ Jesus for you.
- Bitter?
o
Nope,
but I do have sorrow over my relationship with them. A once ok relationship was
torn just because of certain issues during my first project. Anger? Was.. but I
had forgiven him, still don’t know if it will ever be repaired, somehow in my
heart, I still want the friendship to be fixed. Still hoping that one day,
we’ll talk like nothing happened. It was forgiven, and forgotten.
Luke 6:37
37 “Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will
not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven;
- Content?
o
I
should be. Should be thankful.. should be content. To look always on the bright
side of life. yes, salary, is very low, but at least somehow, I have the chance
and opportunity to share something to them and also to learn from them. (in the
first place, that was the very reason why I prayed to God to let me teach at
UL, and now that God granted my prayer, who am I to complain?) sometimes, I do
forget that little things are often the
big things.
Philippians
4:11
11 Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in
whatever situation I am to be content.
- Impatient?
o
Sometimes,
when I think of my age and still got no clue of when will God would grant me
the desire for a man to loved and be loved… but when I think of it as my days
compared to God’s days? He sure is being
patient with me!
o
Will
a man be the answer to all loneliness? Certainly not!
o
Will
a man satisfy my longing to be love? In some ways, yes, but on the bigger
picture, no.
o
So
why, should I be impatient? When I know that God is the only ONE who can
satisfy my every longing? When I know that God is preparing someone for me,
being patient with me all this time, molding me to be who He created me to be.
Psalm
37:7
7 Be still before the Lord and wait
patiently for him;
fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way,
over the man who carries out evil devices!
fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way,
over the man who carries out evil devices!
All of these
questions Lord, I know in my heart the answers, and yet I let myself forget… I
forget your promises and Your Truth.
Psalm 145:13
13 Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom,
and your dominion endures throughout all generations.
and your dominion endures throughout all generations.
Psalm 119:68
68 You are good and do good;
teach me your statutes.
teach me your statutes.
2 Peter 3:9
9 The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness,
but is patient toward you,[a].
Psalm 139
139 O Lord, you have searched me and known me!
2 You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
you discern my thoughts from afar.
3 You search out my path and my lying down
and are acquainted with all my ways.
4 Even before a word is on my tongue,
behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.
5 You hem me in, behind and before,
and lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
it is high; I cannot attain it.
2 You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
you discern my thoughts from afar.
3 You search out my path and my lying down
and are acquainted with all my ways.
4 Even before a word is on my tongue,
behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.
5 You hem me in, behind and before,
and lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
it is high; I cannot attain it.
Psalm
144:2-
2 he is my steadfast love and my
fortress,
my stronghold and my deliverer,
my shield and he in whom I take refuge,
who subdues peoples[a] under me.
my stronghold and my deliverer,
my shield and he in whom I take refuge,
who subdues peoples[a] under me.
3 O Lord, what is
man that you regard him,
or the son of man that you think of him?
4 Man is like a breath;
his days are like a passing shadow.
or the son of man that you think of him?
4 Man is like a breath;
his days are like a passing shadow.
15 Blessed
are the people to whom such blessings fall!
Blessed are the people whose God is the Lord!
Blessed are the people whose God is the Lord!
Psalm
130:3-4
3 If you, O Lord, should
mark iniquities,
O Lord, who could stand?
4 But with you there is forgiveness,
that you may be feared.
O Lord, who could stand?
4 But with you there is forgiveness,
that you may be feared.
Psalm
103:11-14
11 For as
high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him;
12 as far as the east is from the west,
so far does he remove our transgressions from us.
13 As a father shows compassion to his children,
so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him.
14 For he knows our frame;[a]
he remembers that we are dust.
so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him;
12 as far as the east is from the west,
so far does he remove our transgressions from us.
13 As a father shows compassion to his children,
so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him.
14 For he knows our frame;[a]
he remembers that we are dust.
Psalm
90:12
12 So teach
us to number our days
that we may get a heart of wisdom.
that we may get a heart of wisdom.
Psalm
77:11-13
11 I will
remember the deeds of the Lord;
yes, I will remember your wonders of old.
12 I will ponder all your work,
and meditate on your mighty deeds.
13 Your way, O God, is holy.
What god is great like our God?
yes, I will remember your wonders of old.
12 I will ponder all your work,
and meditate on your mighty deeds.
13 Your way, O God, is holy.
What god is great like our God?
Psalm
94:8-15, 17-19, 23
8 Understand, O dullest of the
people!
Fools, when will you be wise?
9 He who planted the ear, does he not hear?
He who formed the eye, does he not see?
10 He who disciplines the nations, does he not rebuke?
He who teaches man knowledge—
11 the Lord—knows the thoughts of man,
that they are but a breath.[a]
Fools, when will you be wise?
9 He who planted the ear, does he not hear?
He who formed the eye, does he not see?
10 He who disciplines the nations, does he not rebuke?
He who teaches man knowledge—
11 the Lord—knows the thoughts of man,
that they are but a breath.[a]
12 Blessed
is the man whom you discipline, O Lord,
and whom you teach out of your law,
13 to give him rest from days of trouble,
until a pit is dug for the wicked.
14 For the Lord will not forsake his people;
he will not abandon his heritage;
15 for justice will return to the righteous,
and all the upright in heart will follow it.
and whom you teach out of your law,
13 to give him rest from days of trouble,
until a pit is dug for the wicked.
14 For the Lord will not forsake his people;
he will not abandon his heritage;
15 for justice will return to the righteous,
and all the upright in heart will follow it.
17 If the Lord had not
been my help,
my soul would soon have lived in the land of silence.
18 When I thought, “My foot slips,”
your steadfast love, O Lord, held me up.
19 When the cares of my heart are many,
your consolations cheer my soul.
my soul would soon have lived in the land of silence.
18 When I thought, “My foot slips,”
your steadfast love, O Lord, held me up.
19 When the cares of my heart are many,
your consolations cheer my soul.
23 He will
bring back on them their iniquity
and wipe them out for their wickedness;
the Lord our God will wipe them out.
and wipe them out for their wickedness;
the Lord our God will wipe them out.
Lord, help me to remember You always.. to keep Your Words in
my heart that I may fear Your Name.
You are Holy, Holy, Holy, God.. there is none like You
Lord help me to remember You..
You are FAIHFUL, GOOD, TRUE, HOLY GOD..
Amen
